Healing Marriages in China
Open Doors' Marriage Enrichment seminars challenge cultural norms in China.
Imagine the scene. While travelling in China, you are invited to share an evening meal with a house church pastor and his wife. You receive a warm welcome at the couple's home, and soon enough dinner is served. The food looks and smells delicious!
Just when you are expecting the pastor to give thanks for the food, he instead addresses you as his honoured guest:
"I apologise for my stupid and lazy wife," he says as his wife, in shame, lowers her eyes to the floor.
"She has prepared this disgusting meal for you to endure. Please accept our apologies."
Although shocking, this is sadly a typical scenario for Christian couples in China.
In many aspects of personal relationships, cultural norms still hold sway, even among couples who have been Christians for many years. Few have ever received teaching on the Biblical principles for marriage.
The marriages of pastors and church leaders are under particular strain, with threats and pressures coming from all sides:
- Ministry Pressure
Chinese pastors work very hard, keeping long hours. Many are away from home for weeks or months at a time. Their busy schedules allow very little time for couples to spend together to cultivate mutual understanding.
- Persecution Pressure
Many pastors and evangelists are under surveillance by the authorities. For many, this means they are unable to return home after ministry assignments.
- Spiritual Pressure
Because of the intensity of their ministry, church co-workers are always 'giving out' to others. As such, they have little spiritual energy left to invest in their own family.
In recent years, Open Doors co-workers have identified this as a significant threat to the Church across China. In response, we have devised a new stream of training to help counter these threats, and encourage Christian couples to live the Biblical model of love, respect and submission.
Using culturally adapted and contextualised materials, the Open Doors' Couple's Ministry and Family Life Seminars teach Christian leaders, along with their spouses, how to enrich and strengthen their marriages.
Couples in key leadership roles are invited to attend the training sessions, which take place over the course of four days. Both husband and wife are included, which often comes as a surprise. Ordinarily, this would be viewed as a waste of money!
Cutting through cultural blindness and bondages
For the Chinese, marriage is only for the purpose of procreation. As a result, wives are often not more than mere vessels for reproduction, abused and mistreated, and in some places, not worth more than the family ox or donkey which ploughs the farm.
So although many Christian leaders know the Bible verses concerning marriage, they do not know how to apply them within their marriages.
In addition, there is an incomplete understanding of Luke 14:26 in the minds of Chinese believers that if you love your wife and family more than Jesus, you are not 'spiritual'. Consequently, wives and children are often neglected.
Because the pastors often experience family problems, they find they are not able to be good examples to their members. Nor are they in a position to teach others how to run their troubled households.
One couple on a recent training camp had been married for 14 years. This was the first time in their entire married life they had been away from home together and had time dedicated to one another.
During the course of the training, each 'student' is given a small sum of money with which they are instructed to buy a gift for their spouse. For most, this is a completely alien concept – another challenge by biblical principles to Chinese cultural norms.
"I want to thank you so much for having this opportunity to learn," says Sister Mei, wife of Lok, a key house-church leader. "I feel convicted by God that I have often neglected my husband."
"And please pray for me," says Lok. "Pray for me in our marriage, that I will be able to make up for the times when I have mistreated Mei."
The training has vast potential as each couple is commissioned to pass on the lessons they learn to other couples in their local networks. Please do pray that many Christian marriages will be healed and restored through Open Doors' Marriage Enrichment training.
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